The gap between asking for feedback and actually listening.

(Part 5 of the Harvesting Learning Series)

Have you ever asked your team for honest feedback and immediately felt your defenses go up, ready to explain, justify, or dismiss what you hear?

In Post 4, we explored how renewal and reflection help leaders focus on what really matters. But there's another layer: asking for feedback from others - and truly listening to what you hear.

The vulnerability that comes with real, unfiltered feedback can trigger a gut-level fear. I know this feeling well.

I once asked for parent feedback after a workshop, read a negative comment, and felt my stomach drop. My first thought was: They didn't understand what I was trying to do. I actually turned to a colleague and asked if we should just throw it away. Embarrassing, I know. I beat myself up over anything I perceive as negative, yet I know (and preach to my kids) that this is how we get better.

What makes feedback about renewal so hard to hear

When we ask our teams "Why continue?", we're not just asking about initiative, we're deciding what to drop, what to keep, and what to build or replace. But several things make this genuinely hard:

• Ownership and identity: When the initiative is yours, feedback can feel like a judgment of your expertise and decisions 

• Emotional investment: You've poured energy into making it work,hearing it should stop can feel like personal failure 

• Fear of being wrong: If something worked before, questioning it now means admitting you might have held onto it too long

Which of these resonates most with you? 

Managing the personal challenge

So why is it so hard? Because it feels personal. You work hard, sweat the details, and then… someone's feedback doesn't match your hopes. Suddenly, it feels like it's about you, not just the work.

How do we move past that fear? First, we have to acknowledge it, and commit to listening even when it stings. That's the foundation of intentional renewal. Then we can create the structures that matter: checkpoints for reflection, space for honest discussion, and clear decision-making about what to keep and what to let go.

Even now, as I build my own coaching practice, I've built in checkpoints and opportunities to seek real feedback. But the question I keep coming back to is: What am I actually going to do to listen?

Question for reflection: What's one thing you could do this week to make honest feedback safer for your team? Even something small?

Next up: In the final post, I'll share strategies to embrace feedback effectively, including my personal take on brutal versus constructive feedback.

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